Lately the concept of being able to talk about things has been playing on my mind and so today’s inspiration is based around what I have discovered.
Why is it that we feel we cannot talk about the things that cause us pain? We might fear rejection, humiliation, embarrassment, anger, shame, guilt or any other number of ‘negative’ emotions. What we may need to share can range from trauma like sexual abuse, rape or violence right down to something as simple as our basic fears or self-esteem issues. In any case whatever we need to talk about is relevant if it is causing us some form of pain or blocking our life in some way.
In some cases there may have been a teaching when we were young that we were to be ‘seen and not heard’ or that what we had to say was ‘just nonsense’. I know people who have told those they trusted something, only to find out that the support they needed was not there. This is a very sad and an unfortunate behaviour pattern that seems to have run down through generations who did not want to deal with or know how to deal with inconvenient or painful things. Fear around legal, financial and family structure issues can also play a role.
How does it serve you to sit on your feelings or suppress that which is causing you pain? Although speaking about it can lead to further pain it does not serve you to suppress it and although we must be practical about the way we approach things, holding on and feeling as though we are alone in carrying burdens is not healthy. In some situations not speaking up also means that the bigger issues can not be looked at –such as violence, abuse in all forms, rape, bullying etc… in the past such things were hidden away and nothing was done to prevent or educate and sadly this is still the case according to recent statistics. These things are still occurring at an alarming rate and if we can bring more attention to them (no matter how painful) then surely we can start to bring about change for future generations. We need to sound our note against this behaviour and bring it to light if we expect it to change.
There seems to be this idea that we need to be brave and work things out on our own. Most of the people I know who are trying to do this are not getting very far with their healing. In fact one person told me she did not feel anyone wanted to hear about her problems so she was better to keep them to herself. When we keep these things locked inside they can cause depression, physical illness and dis-ease, addictions, boundary issues, victim mentality (often leading to further trauma) and general blocks to being able to achieve what we want in our lives.
Now I am not only speaking about severe traumas either, anytime you need to talk about something it is important to know you can. We must learn to support each other. In some cases however a trusted friend or family member is not enough or not suitable and I can not emphasize enough the importance of a good counsellor, psychotherapist, life-coach or energy healer (not all therapists have the qualifications to suit your needs and will refer you on where necessary) in resolving certain issues. Sometimes we just need to talk to someone who is neutral and non-judgemental, to feel supported and provided a safe space to let go of the burdens we might be carrying. A suitable therapist has the right skills and experience to guide you through the experience and the resources or contacts you may need during the process.
I have always found that in talking about something I often resolve it for myself and sometimes all we need is someone to bounce off. Other times we need someone with the professional skills and knowledge to lead us through things.
The purpose of being able to speak up about how we are feeling is not so that we can use our ‘stories’ as excuses or opportunities for attention, but rather as a method of letting go and healing the situation. We can also miss out on useful information, wisdom and understanding that comes from others experience when we do not allow a space to talk about things. Even if you cannot speak to someone initially then at least take some time to journal your thoughts so that you have an outlet. You could also use prayer as a medium for talking things out, either on it’s own for simple things or along side professional assistance.
Whatever your requirements are, talking about things can be powerful and healing. So when you feel you need to talk, find the right person for your needs and make the time.
If you have experienced abuse then you might be eligible for ACC – go to
http://www.acc.co.nz/making-a-claim/what-support-can-i-get/registered-counsellors/index.htm to find out about registered counsellors through ACC.