A collective group of events (including that new program on TV called ‘Lie to Me’) got me thinking about today’s topic. I mostly wanted to find out for myself what the truth about lying really is and so I thought I would share what I have discovered. So today’s inspiration is about lying.
We learn to lie around the age of 4 or 5 years old. A child will catch onto the idea that a little lie here or there can keep us out of trouble or help us get what we want. Plus in my experience parents tell lies to keep children from harm and to keep them in line and so it makes sense that children will eventually catch on and use it against their parents.
Most lies are not malicious and the odd white one (which I’m sure most people are guilty of) is often concocted to avoid hurting someone’s feelings but what happens when it becomes more than that?
A person who feels compelled to lie about both small and large stuff may have a problem. Lying is often connected with low self-esteem and can be used as a form of protection. It may be used to protect, to look good, to gain financially or socially and to avoid punishment. We may need to recognise that someone who has perhaps deluded themselves (they may not even realise they are lying) requires some compassion. On the other hand some people deliberately lie to get what they want.
Lying often gets worse with time as one lie will end up leading to another. On one side we know what it is like to feel guilty for even a small lie and on the other side how painful it can be to find out we have been deceived. For many people I know it is the deception rather than the actual ‘crime’ that can be the most painful. Why? Because our trust is valuable to us, and often we do not give it away lightly. Trust is an unspoken agreement between two people and when that trust is broken, so is the bond.
As a society we expect lies from certain types of people, for example we expect that a politician is more likely to lie than a monk. When someone we love lies to us that is often the hardest to deal with. Sometimes repairing a relationship after trust has been broken can be very hard to do and coming clean on your deception as early as possible can be more helpful.
Sometimes lies happen because we are actually lying to ourselves and this can be the worst type of lying. I suggest it is the worst type because lying to yourself keeps you ‘stuck’ and causes you a great deal of pain. Very often our intuition will tell us to go in a certain direction or make a certain change but we will lie to ourselves because that seems too hard to do. For example our intuition might be screaming that we leave a certain relationship but we talk ourselves into believing that everything is actually ok and we are happy. How many of us have done that?!
When we lie to ourselves or to others we do damage to the throat chakra (the energy centre of the throat area responsible for our communication). Dishonesty might also come when you cannot tell someone how you are really feeling. How often has someone asked you how you are and you say ‘fine’ when really you are anything but fine! Not acknowledging our emotions is also a form of lying to oneself. All in all what we get is a build up of feelings that need to be expressed somehow and this at worst can lead to illness.
Apart from listening to your intuition, especially those gut feelings how else can you tell if someone might be lying to you:
- Avoiding eye contact is common- (A skilled liar believes his/her lie and can/will look you in the eye!)
- Change in voice – variation of pitch, coughing etc...
- Body language – fidgeting, turning one’s body away, covering the face or mouth
- Contradictions (eventually lies come out).
- A skilled liar will recognise another liar more readily – as they put it out into the world so they receive and further supports the apparent
I think the most important thing we need to understand is that when we lie to ourselves we are more likely to lie to others as well. I have met plenty of people who tell little white lies in order to ‘fit in’ and really we should just be ourselves. If someone asks you out for a social event and you really just do not want to go then say so, do not feel like you have to make excuses or cancel at the last minute. For one it will take a huge weight off your shoulders!
We cannot stop un-truths but we can make a decision within ourselves to be truthful. Being honest does not give one a license to go around telling everyone what they think of them (some mistake being opinionated for honesty) but it does mean that you can free yourself.
It can be frustrating at times when you feel you have been honest and people deceive you, but being honest does not make you weak or naïve. However if you find yourself in a situation where the other party is not respecting you by telling lies then it may pay to remove yourself. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me as the saying goes!
Sadly it would seem that dishonesty rather than honesty is the norm of our society today. Simply not being ‘entirely accurate’ in the information we give has become a habit, especially with the social pressures we face, including simply the rules of being polite. Sometimes it pays not to give everything away to protect your own personal safety, but I think that honesty should really be the norm, after all more often than not honesty is still the best policy.
Natural Healing Practitioner, Sarah Peni adds the following:
Checking out YOURSELF how you lie (how you distort the “whole” truth) is a great step in changing the programming from within, monitor those thought waves before they come out of your mouth – what you speak out you are sounding into the world, what you speak out you are creating, you are ultimately responsible for your own creations and will have to Serve to undo the damage you are responsible for– so STOP throwing your rubbish out onto the street and in your homes and with your loved ones and clean up your speak…(If you don’t you will eventually have to pick up all that rubbish! –imagine the wasted lifetimes!) No one else can do it for you!
Have a lovely week!